The following is a hilarious conversation I had recently via FaceBook with a friend of mine residing in China. As a disclaimer, I'd like to say that this isn't for the intellectually faint of heart...but it is quite entertaining. No brain cells were harmed in the production of this conversation:
CS: dont be ridiculous, you cant grow a mustache
TW: How is the country that's proliferating eugenics and full of testosterone because of the gender imbalance?
Yeah...you've exposed me. I can't.
CS: China is the most ridiculous place to live. I live my life completely stress free because I live in a country completely void of common sense and intellect. I am an island.
TW: Hahahhahaha
CS: if anything goes wrong i just think...well that would happen because no one here has had a thought in 2000 years.
TW: Almost like the US, except the predominant language is Mandarin.
CS: and living there makes Americans seem like giant assholes.
TW: As it should. I mean, 3rd party perspective and all.
CS: a couple months ago i went to go read the new york times on line like i do every morning in good ol communist china
CS: on the website it said " as of 5:00pm, whatever day it was, the new york times has been blocked by mainland china"
TW: That's just weird.
CS: and that was the end of that
TW: Although kinda expected.
CS: yup, i also searched tibet, taiwan and tiannamen in the same day...didnt haver internet for 2 weeks!
TW: Hahahaha oh man!
CS: and then later a 4 year old chinese kid told me he wanted to bomb japan and a student of mine sold his kidney for an iphone.
TW: Yikes. You live in the land of unrealistic insanity.
CS: you do too!
TW: Touché!
CS: i saw a woman buy a 15 pound jar of cheesy puffs in walmart
TW: Hahahahaahaha
CS: first thing i saw when i got back to the states last month...WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT
TW: Well, in Walmart it comes with the territory. It's almost a prerequisite to purchase ridiculous shit. It's like Sams club, but for free ballers.
CS: also...we almost had a Mormon president. My Chinese students think that Christians are hilarious
TW: As do we! Although Mormons are like the rednecks of religions.
CS: they are...my roommates a Mormon and she once said this jem of a phrase " you know when you fast for a couple days and you finally start thinking clearly"
TW: Hahahhahaha The funniest part of that sentence is the word finally.
CS: the universe is against me, i moved to an atheist country and i get placed with a Mormon as a roommate
TW: I'm going to warn you, this conversation is going on my blog.
CS: a student of mine, hes in his mid to late 30s, he asks me if its true if western woman shave their "special areas"
TW: Hahahhahaha
CS: i told him yes...and then he proceeds to ask...." then how do you tell them apart?"
TW: WOW.
CS: ....by the person whose carrying the "special area"
TW: Talk about repression.
CS: WHY WOULD HE ASK ME THIS!
TW: I can't even fathom how I'd react to that.
CS: a black friend of mine was approached by a Chinese man
the Chinese man said..."where are you from"
my friend says " the U.S."
the Chinese man replies " no, you aren't, you're from Africa"
TW: How did I know that was coming.
CS: to which my friend replies "your right, I am, I'm from Atlanta, Africa"
TW: Hahaha
CS: people touch his skin to see if the black will come off! they think im short because i didn't get fed.
TW: I was called "Africano" the whole six months I was in the Mediterranean. I feel his pain.
WHOAH.
CS: yeah, I was with a tall friend of mine, and they said....ohhh shes probably that size because they didn't feed her.
TW: Now....that's just ignorant.
CS: I do live in the city where the boxer rebellion started soooo...not to many foreigners there till recently
TW: Then how do they rationalize their features?
CS: I live in the north, the people who were in cultural revolution do tend to be small and thin because they were very malnourished, the population in the north of china is predominantly tall
TW: Oh, so like Americans, their world view is skewed by their own history.
Yessssss.
CS: pretty much, but at least they can blame communism. poor us with knowledge and freedom at our fingertips
TW: Yeah, it's a shame. They think that way because of outside forces. We think this way because we choose to think that being addicted to coffee is better than smoking things that make you think.
Weeeeee!
CS: i heard an amazing joke the other day...it was sooo American....
they legalized same sex marriage and pot in Washington...the bible does say that homosexuals should be stoned
TW: Hahahhahahaha The nail in the coffin! If I had gay friends I'd tell them that joke.
CS: im going to go eat a lot of food from the outback...the least Australian food there is on the planet
i have to go to china in 2 days
TW: Haha word. Make sure you buy a huge bag of Funyons before you go back. See what they say about that.
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